


Highway to Hell

by Raindropsonwhiskers



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: And the Doctor is an accomplice, F/M, Flirting, Missy is a menace to polite society, Theft, they're very married
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:54:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25983184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raindropsonwhiskers/pseuds/Raindropsonwhiskers
Summary: Missy steals something - and no, it's not the Doctor's hearts. Not just the Doctor's hearts, at least.
Relationships: The Doctor/The Master (Doctor Who), Twelfth Doctor/Missy
Comments: 5
Kudos: 36
Collections: Thoschei Prompt Exchange 2020





	Highway to Hell

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ichabodcranemills](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ichabodcranemills/gifts).



The music was loud, the lights dim and colorful, and the entire dance floor so crowded that movement was nearly impossible; with all the bustle and distraction, the church party was the perfect place to steal something.

Well, Missy amended mentally, not just  _ something. _ She wouldn't have put nearly as much effort into this plot if the object wasn't worth it.

And oh, it certainly was. The miniaturized star that this church boasted was strong enough to blow up a decent-sized planet, which was  _ precisely _ what she intended to do with it. Strangely enough, the threat of having your entire planet destroyed made most people much more agreeable.

Grethludi wasn't much of a catch, as far as planets to conquer went, but it's uniquely belief-based economic system was quite useful. The whole thing was controlled by a council that determined how much money each citizen received based off of how devout they were to the Church of the Forgotten Star - a religion based entirely around the worship of the very miniaturized star Missy had taken. It only lasted a few decades before collapsing in one of the most extravagant and bloodthirsty revolutions the universe would ever see; in the meantime, however, it was  _ extremely _ lucrative.

The theft itself had been laughably easy when it came down to it. She had gotten blueprints of the building from an easily bribed staff member, who, as a thanks for their cooperation, she had graciously left alive. Now, after taking care of a few of the guards and bypassing the locked doors with the help of her umbrella, the star sat in Missy’s pocket.

Missy was halfway across the dance floor, making her way slowly but steadily toward the exit, when she heard a familiar tune take the place of the Grethludian electro-pop that had been blasting from the speakers. Currently, she was roughly seven galaxies and three thousand years away from Earth's punk rock boom. Humanity hadn't even  _ reached _ this part of the universe yet. There was no good reason she should have heard what was most definitely an electric guitar playing Highway to Hell. And yet, she did.

Curiosity piqued, Missy glanced over at the stage that had, until recently, been occupied by a quartet of creatures that closely resembled seals with legs. She already knew who she was going to see there - there was only one person she could think of who would possibly do this sort of thing. Still, she couldn't help but grin when she spotted the Doctor.

Naturally, he was dressed anachronistically for the time and place. The dark suit he wore stood out nicely against the colorful backdrop of the raised stage, though, silhouetting him against the tie-dye mess. His hair was longer and fluffier than it had been when Missy had last seen it, but it was a marked improvement in her opinion.

He hadn't seen her yet. Missy was almost tempted to ignore him, go about her theft, and then leave him with the knowledge that she stole an extremely important religious artifact from right under his nose. Almost. She just wouldn't be herself if she didn't give in to the urge to talk to him, and maybe tease him a bit.

The crowd made it difficult to head directly to the stage, but with a few pointed jabs of her umbrella to sensitive areas, Missy easily maneuvered herself to within a few feet of the Doctor. He was still busy playing, but his eyes were scanning the crowd.

She could pinpoint the exact moment he saw her; his eyes widened slightly, his smile froze, and his fingers tightened on the guitar. He recovered quickly, only a fraction of a second's pause between the beats of the song, but Missy knew him well enough to see his reaction. She smiled.

Though there was still a verse left of the song, the Doctor cut it short after the next repetition of the chorus. The crowd didn't really seem to notice when he hopped off the stage and set his guitar down. He stepped through the mass of people, ducking and pushing past partygoers until he was next to Missy.

“What are you doing here?” the Doctor asked. He didn’t sound mad, just confused.

Well, if he didn’t know about the star, Missy was hardly going to tell him.

“Oh, just enjoying this cesspool of lesser creatures and their petty entertainments,” she said. “It seems all the rage these days.”

The Doctor raised one of his impressive eyebrows. “Really. There’s no other reason?”

Something in his eyes was almost  _ hopeful. _ Did he think she was here for him? That was almost sweet, in a kicked-puppy sort of way. Perhaps she could use it to distract him.

“Yes, I came all this way to a planet with nothing of real value just to see you play half of an Earth song.” Missy rolled her eyes. “My TARDIS decided to throw a hissy fit and spat me out here.”

“Well, maybe if you were nicer to her…” the Doctor trailed off pointedly.

Missy sighed. They’d had this debate endless times by now, and she was not going to have it again if she could avoid it. Really, she should have been gone already, but she couldn’t just leave now - it would be entirely too suspicious. She needed an excuse.

Unfortunately, she didn’t get the chance to make one. A pair of security guards were muscling their way through the crowd, headed straight for her. Missy froze. She had been so very careful to not get caught, but her informant must have blabbed. Should've killed them when she had the chance.

Missy ducked down slightly, taking advantage of the taller aliens crowding the dance floor, and headed for the exit. The Doctor followed her, though he had to bend at a much sharper angle to hide.

"Are they after you?" the Doctor demanded, in the closest thing to a whisper he could manage above the din. "No, of course they are. What did you do?"

"I  _ may _ have borrowed a little trinket from the basement," Missy said, not even bothering to fake innocence. "Just a bauble. Hardly worth all this drama."

"The basement- you stole the Forgotten Star?" She could hear the disapproving eyebrows even without looking.

"Is that what it's called? I'd forgotten, honestly."

" _ Missy! _ " He used the reprimanding tone that body excelled at like it was going to have some sort of impact on her.

Before she could make a suitably witty retort, a pair of rough hands caught her around the arm.

Missy whirled around and came face to face with one of the guards. "Oi! Hands off!"

He was, annoyingly, unfazed. Keeping the firm grip on her arm, he grabbed a pair of magnetic cuffs and slapped them on her wrists. His partner did the same to the Doctor. Missy rolled her eyes. Getting arrested was always so annoying.  


As prison cells went, the one the Doctor was stuck in could have been much worse. It could have been much  _ better _ , too, but at least it had enough room for him to sit opposite from Missy. And the guards, as intimidating as they were, hadn’t bothered to take his sonic sunglasses, so he had a fairly decent chance of escape. Not that he intended to help Missy with hers - she deserved this.

He told her as much, and got a petulant pout in reply.

"You know, if you hadn't followed me, I would have made it out,” Missy said.

The Doctor glared.

Missy put her cuffed hands up defensively. "I was doing them a favor. The whole thing's due to go  _ boom! _ " she helpfully demonstrated as best she could with her hands, "in a few years anyhow. I'm just saving some time."

"You want to discuss the inherent hypocrisy of the current economic system right now?" the Doctor asked, incredulous.

"I’m just saying, they've only got - what, four, five years - at the top before the poor downtrodden peasants start chopping off some heads," Missy shrugged. "Way I see it, it's a mercy."

He gave her a flat look. "You stole an extremely dangerous, religiously and economically important object for what I can only guess was a malicious plan and you're trying to tell me it was for the good of the planet?"

"It's the truth,  _ man, _ " she drawled in a deliberately obnoxious American accent. Then, just as quick, she was back to Scottish. "Now, are you going to help me undo these cuffs, or do I need to do everything around here?"

Missy held her wrists out expectantly and raised her eyebrows. The Doctor sighed. He was going to help, because despite his earlier thoughts he didn’t  _ really _ want her locked up here until she managed to escape on her own, but that didn't mean he had to like it.

“Oh, not the sunglasses,” Missy groaned when he pulled them out. “I hate those things. They’re awful.”

“I can still leave you here,” the Doctor threatened.

She gasped, sounding scandalized. “You wouldn’t!”

He didn’t. Of course he didn’t; he could never really say no to her. Missy smiled at him as he also unlocked the door to the cell, almost innocent except for the twinkle in her eyes.

"Thank you, dear," she said. Then, before he could react, she stood up on the tips of her toes and pressed a gentle kiss to his cheek.

The Doctor spluttered, too stunned to respond. By the time he properly processed what had happened, Missy was long gone, and he was still standing there like an idiot.


End file.
